Unloved child diaries

In this blog, we will present the diaries of a French writer... those diaries were found at the edge of her window after she threw herself into death...

"Have we ever asked ourselves what does an unloved child feel??
What does he think when he sit alone?? How does he sleep?? Do you think he sleeps like other children??
I don’t think so , he doesn’t see happy dreams like other children... there’s no one to read him a story before bed.. there’s no one to calm him and listen to his negative thoughts and expel them... but those thoughts always grow with him... until they turn into a spiritual disease that needs healing. ..
I was an unloved child... and I know exactly what it means to be an unloved child... unloved by friends... unloved by teachers at school... and sometimes by family... every day you wake up after a night full of nightmares.. You walk in school with your head bowed because no one loves you.. and you are worthless.. Monsters whisper in your head: “Hahaha, no one loves you.. even your mother doesn’t care about your presence.”
And another voice says: “Don’t raise your head, you don’t deserve Happiness".
I was always cold from loneliness... I was a child, just a child, I deserved nothing but love and affection, I deserved to be treated like other children, I wish someone would fill me with life as parents fill their children, but I did not have parents They care about my existence.. All this is because God wanted to create me little black girl , fat , with weak personality , shy and not beautiful... which made me rejected by everyone... Is this my fault??
I was a ten-year-old child and I didn’t feel safe, I was very afraid... This fear is growing with me until now, I can’t feel safe until now... All these fucking bad feelings were when I was only 10 years old... Isn’t this too much for a child in 10 years??”.

• And this was her last diaries …